It’s official. I am a lost cause. There is no redemption from this obsession that has me incapacitated. It is all I can think of. Every waking thought is spent in curbing this itch of mine. The constant sparring between evil me and angelic me has left me spinning. My mind has been working overtime trying to come up with a loophole that will let me have my heart’s desire without hurting Mr. Conscience. I lay awake at night, reliving the sweet touch of those sensuous lips and lulling warmth of those seductive embraces. This illicit yearning has caused me many sleepless nights.
It was not a case of instant attraction at all. I was skeptical at first. All the rules that were drilled into me from childhood had made me very wary. I tried to stay away. I knew it was not for me. I knew it from start. Yet, something kept reeling me in. I fought against the attraction but to no avail. When the pull became irresistible, I broke down and had a taste. It was only meant to be an experiment. To confirm that the allure I felt is just an illusion and nothing more. But once I had the first taste, it was an explosion of emotion. All the repressed desires came toppling out. I was insatiable and kept going for more. My fickle mind came up with a million excuses to justify it. It rationalized this to be just an infatuation and that it will die down eventually. Encouraged, I threw caution to the wind, turned my back to the frowning society and basked in the affection I received. I was truly and irrevocably enamored. Unknowingly, I was being pulled deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Until it burned me.
So, here I am, willing my mind to stop conjuring up images and begging my heart to let go. I sense that I am fighting a losing battle. But for the sake of my sanity, I have to conquer this. I have to pull myself together and get my act together. I had a glaring epiphany the other night. That it’s just not an attraction anymore but an all consuming love, a love that will forever remain unrequited. With that realization came another one, that I have a bigger mountain to surmount now. All the bounds and chains that I have locked my heart in doesn’t seem to do it’s job. I am exhausted and I don’t know how much longer I can deflect it. Until then I turn to my mink fur coat to wrap me in it’s warmth and my rouge lipstick to pepper my lips with passion. Those are the only remains of the once torrid love affair I had with my credit card. My love is bound, broken and locked away in the strongest of vaults, far away from me. For our love is forbidden.
— Confessions of a compulsive Shopaholic in rehab 🙂
That’s a number I won’t forget ever!!!!!! Ok, let me explain.
It all started when I had a desire to own my own laptop. I searched and searched about various brands, different configurations and finally landed on Dell inspiron. Initially I thought I will save enough from my salary and then buy. But then, you know my thing for anything electronic right?? As expected I couldn’t wait that long. I was just itching to hold my laptop. So I talked my dad into a deal. He pay 40000 now, I will replay him little by little. I begged him to send the money ASAP so that I can order lap without any delay.
Continue reading 40000/-
I have put together few words that came to my mind. I dont have the courage to call this a poem, but a distant kin of it probably.
Continue reading An attempt..
I was busy rummaging through my cupboard for one of my lost certificate. Suddenly something fell out from that mess. On further inspection, it turned out to be a card I got years back with scribblings from my friends all over it. It had once been read so frequently that its edges are practically torn. There was a time when I treasured it more than anything. Now it lay abandoned in my cupboard. Continue reading Abandoned Treasures
Love is a beautiful concept.Most people are in love with the idea of being in love. But its dimensions are difficult to comprehend.The other day i saw a movie.It moved me beyond words.For me it defined another depth to love.It is not a spectacular movie nor does it have a compelling theme.Its just a love story.I was weeping right from the start till the credits.Maybe its just me, but that movie was awesome. Continue reading P.S I Love You
Friendship is a wonderful feeling.It is the most sacred relationship we ever have in this life. A selfless, forgiving relationship. Jealousy ,possessiveness and like negative emotions have no place in friendship. A friend doesnot demand that you change,accepts you as you are.We get thousands of such forward messages extolling the greatness of friendship.
Isnt this definition highly overrated?? how many of you can honestly agree of having such a divine relationship? I say ‘friends stay with you when you are having a good time,flies when you fall,accepts you if you are to their liking,gets jealous of your achievements’. Friendship has come down to a group of people joined together when all is well but backstabs when a situation calls for it.
Pardon me for being such a cynic.Experiences have made me skeptical about the divinity of friendship.I am honest enough to admit that even i fall in this category.I do have a faint memory of having a friendship thats close enough to the sacred friendship i mentioned. I dont know if its the innocence of childhood that kept the friendship burning in its true spirit. But it was a great relationship.We shared everything together.She understood even before i explained, she knew the reason behind each nuance in my speech. She was great.But then i had to move to a different city as my parents got transfered.
Now i am 21 years old, and try as i might, i cannot have a similar relationship with anyone else.Is is coz i grew up? or because i started weighing the gain and loss of being in a relationship?What ever the reason,the selfless friendship remains just a distant dream.I want to bring back the old “me” before i completely lose touch with her,to recapture the old innocence.
I dedicate this blog to all out there who still enjoy the privilege of having a great friend.Keep that friendship sacred and safe coz its ENDANGERED!!!!!